Paris Olympics 2024 – Bring Back Pankration
With the Paris Olympics almost upon us, it seems a suitable time to consider which new events should be added to future Olympic Games. After all, in 2024, Kayak Cross and Breakdancing will both be debuting for Athletes’ to endure and fans to enjoy. So, for 2028, maybe it’s time to take a glance back to the past of the Ancient Olympics to provide inspiration for a new event, or, perhaps, the return of an old event. If so, our pick goes to Pankration, the most unremittingly brutal of all the Olympic sports, but surely to be an audience favourite of the future. The kind of dramatic sporting event that will have Nike exes excitedly sponsoring it for decades to come.
Taking place in the Greek City-State of Olympia, the Ancient Olympics were unleashed every Olympiad (a fancy word for four years). The Ancient Olympics debuted around 776 BC, and ran for many centuries after. Heroes from all across Greece, from every City-State, would attend to prove that they were the best. The Ancient Olympics were well known for having their fair share of violent sports. Take Boxing, just like the sport today… only there were no weight classes. So, a really big dude could delight in beating up a really small dude until the cows came home (and those cows can be pretty tardy with their timekeeping). Oh, and the big dude’s fists wouldn’t be covered in boxing gloves, instead, they would be wrapped in linen bandages with some lovely lumps of metal tucked inside. You know, for extra thwacking power.
Then there was the Hoplon race, a regular jolly sprint to the finish line, except the competitors would be clad in the weaponry and armour of a Hoplite Warrior. Thought of as excellent training for warfare, each athlete could delight in hitting, tripping up, and shoulder barging their rivals; anything went, as long as you ended up being the winner.
But all these events paled in comparison to the gory gorefest that was Pankration. A bit like Mixed-Martial Arts today, Pankration involved two combatants going at it, using all of their fighting skills to be triumphant and squash their foe like Ribena. Though, unlike the UFC today, the Ancient Greeks didn’t include many rules. In fact, there were only two rules for the fighters to abide by; no biting and no pulling out anyone’s eyeballs. That was it, you could do anything and everything else. Heck, you were encouraged and cheered on to do so! You could punch, kick, strangle, stomp, elbow drop, nipple flick, Stone Cold Stunner, crotch punch, and Suplex. Whatever it took to get your opponent to quit. So nasty were the events that athletes could – and did – die.
Seems unbelievable, right? Well, here’s some proof. One remarkable historical account details the final fight of Arrhichion of Phigalia. Arrhichion was trapped in the vice-like grip of his formidable opponent. Arms like steely, vein-covered, greasy, oil-coated pythons were wrapped around his neck, and try as he might, Arrhichion could not free himself. As his vision began to fade Arrhichion stamped as hard as he could on his opponent’s foot.
The pain was so intense that this unknown fighter released Arrhichion and submitted. The crowd went wild, Arrhichion had overcome the odds and won. But while the crowd went bananas Arrhichion remained unmoving on the sand and dirt. He was dead. That didn’t dampen the celebration, however. Despite being very much deceased, Arrhichion was crowned the victor and returned to Phigalia a hero.
What a thrilling fight! What an unexpected twist! What an inspirational tale! For all these reasons and more, our vote is that Pankration should make its heroic return to the Los Angeles Olympics in 2028.
